from
"those who cause suffering are inevitably suffering inside themselves"
-- Dalai Lama
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Have You Fallen For These 7 Pop Culture Myths of Fabulous Living?
from
As a culture, we have a lot of silly ideas about what it means to live a fabulous life.
How could a woman struggling with substance abuse, rehab, divorce, custody issues, allegations of parental neglect, career implosion, and other happiness-crushing problems have been featured on a show called The Fabulous Life? The woman I’m talking about is Britney Spears. The show I’m talking about, The Fabulous Life, airs on VH1. So tell me, how did someone as unfortunate as Britney end up with an hour-long tabloid-style advertisement for her fabulous life?
The obvious answer is that no one knew about Britney’s problems when the show originally aired. The less obvious (but equally true) answer is that The Fabulous Life is a superficial pop show about fame and fortune and not a serious investigation of a celebrity’s happiness. Both answers are fair and reasonable, but neither is related to the point I’m about to make.
My point is this: we’re all way too quick to assume that a person’s life is fabulous simply because she is rich and famous. And as a result, we spend too much time emulating a life-model that doesn’t work.
Listen, I’m not passing judgment on Britney. I don’t pretend to know Britney. And this article is not about Britney. This article is about our terrible misunderstanding of what makes a person happy.
Some of you are probably looking at me cross-eyed right about now, which makes me think that now would be a good time to debunk the top 7 pop culture myths of what it means to live a fabulous life.
Myth #1 - Wealth Equals Happiness: Once your basic needs are met, more money does not equal more happiness. In the words of Richard Easterlin, “Few generalizations in the social sciences enjoy such wide-ranging support as that of the diminishing marginal utility of income.” While it’s true that the jump from poverty to middle-class yields a substantial happiness increase, every additional dollar from that point forward provides ever-decreasing benefit, and other factors (such as job satisfaction and relationships) become more important than ever.
Myth #2 - Job Satisfaction Depends upon Salary: As Easterlin tells us, “how much pleasure people get from their job is independent of how much it pays.” That doesn’t mean that salary is irrelevant (see above), only that it’s a terrible predictor of job satisfaction.
Myth #3 - Beauty and Image Reign Supreme: While it’s hard to refute the benefits of beauty, Psychologist Tim Kasser warns that valuing image and beauty more than intrinsic factors, such as honor and self-actualization, leads nowhere but down. There’s nothing wrong with being beautiful, just as there’s nothing wrong with being rich; the problem is one of priority.
Myth #4 - Promiscuous Sex Makes Men Happy: Seriously, what guy hasn’t admired the reported sexual exploits of dynamos like Gene Simmons and Wilt Chamberlain? It’s every guy’s fantasy, right? Well, not so fast. Research by David Blanchflower and Andrew Oswald asserts that monogamy with someone you love is ultimately more satisfying than all the casual encounters in Babylon.
Myth #5 - Owning Lots of Cool Stuff is Satisfying: The relevant question here is why you bought the stuff to begin with. Purchases motivated by internal values are more satisfying than those motivated by external pressures. Put more simply, if you spend 20 thousand dollars on a new home theater because you’re a serious videophile who loves watching movies, you’re more likely to be satisfied than if you were trying to impress the neighbors, assuming you could afford the home theater to begin with. And the fact remains: beyond the basics, the amount of stuff you own has little to do with how happy you are.
Myth #6 - Fame is Fabulous: The tabloids are full of famous people who are miserable in spite of fame; some commit suicide and join the long ranks of celebrity dead. I’m quite sure celebrity has perks, just as I’m sure different types of notoriety yield different levels of satisfaction. But one thing I know for sure: fame, in and of itself, does not make a person happy.
Myth #7 - A Life of Leisure Leads to Happiness: We all have fantasies of endless vacations on sun-swept beaches, staring out at the blue-green waters of eternity. But studies have shown that a life of leisure quickly leads to boredom. The extent to which you make so much money that you never have to make any more is the extent to which you must confront the greatest challenge of all: yourself. This progression from basic needs to self-actualization is classic Maslow. And if you’re lucky enough to figure out what you want to do with all your freedom (many aren’t so lucky), you’ll probably find that you agree with Harvard Psychology Professor Tal Ben-Shahar, who says that in spite of all your freedom, you cannot be happy without work.
Listen, it’s normal to be curious about the rich and famous, which is why shows like The Fabulous Life remain popular. And these shows are harmless, so long as we don’t actually start to believe that people like Britney Spears are happier simply because they’re wealthier and more famous.
Instead of emulating pop stars, research suggests we’d be better off living a life of honor, love, and fulfillment. In other words, meaningful work and loving relationships are more satisfying than all the flash and glitter in Hollywood.
As a culture, we have a lot of silly ideas about what it means to live a fabulous life.
How could a woman struggling with substance abuse, rehab, divorce, custody issues, allegations of parental neglect, career implosion, and other happiness-crushing problems have been featured on a show called The Fabulous Life? The woman I’m talking about is Britney Spears. The show I’m talking about, The Fabulous Life, airs on VH1. So tell me, how did someone as unfortunate as Britney end up with an hour-long tabloid-style advertisement for her fabulous life?
The obvious answer is that no one knew about Britney’s problems when the show originally aired. The less obvious (but equally true) answer is that The Fabulous Life is a superficial pop show about fame and fortune and not a serious investigation of a celebrity’s happiness. Both answers are fair and reasonable, but neither is related to the point I’m about to make.
My point is this: we’re all way too quick to assume that a person’s life is fabulous simply because she is rich and famous. And as a result, we spend too much time emulating a life-model that doesn’t work.
Listen, I’m not passing judgment on Britney. I don’t pretend to know Britney. And this article is not about Britney. This article is about our terrible misunderstanding of what makes a person happy.
Some of you are probably looking at me cross-eyed right about now, which makes me think that now would be a good time to debunk the top 7 pop culture myths of what it means to live a fabulous life.
Myth #1 - Wealth Equals Happiness: Once your basic needs are met, more money does not equal more happiness. In the words of Richard Easterlin, “Few generalizations in the social sciences enjoy such wide-ranging support as that of the diminishing marginal utility of income.” While it’s true that the jump from poverty to middle-class yields a substantial happiness increase, every additional dollar from that point forward provides ever-decreasing benefit, and other factors (such as job satisfaction and relationships) become more important than ever.
Myth #2 - Job Satisfaction Depends upon Salary: As Easterlin tells us, “how much pleasure people get from their job is independent of how much it pays.” That doesn’t mean that salary is irrelevant (see above), only that it’s a terrible predictor of job satisfaction.
Myth #3 - Beauty and Image Reign Supreme: While it’s hard to refute the benefits of beauty, Psychologist Tim Kasser warns that valuing image and beauty more than intrinsic factors, such as honor and self-actualization, leads nowhere but down. There’s nothing wrong with being beautiful, just as there’s nothing wrong with being rich; the problem is one of priority.
Myth #4 - Promiscuous Sex Makes Men Happy: Seriously, what guy hasn’t admired the reported sexual exploits of dynamos like Gene Simmons and Wilt Chamberlain? It’s every guy’s fantasy, right? Well, not so fast. Research by David Blanchflower and Andrew Oswald asserts that monogamy with someone you love is ultimately more satisfying than all the casual encounters in Babylon.
Myth #5 - Owning Lots of Cool Stuff is Satisfying: The relevant question here is why you bought the stuff to begin with. Purchases motivated by internal values are more satisfying than those motivated by external pressures. Put more simply, if you spend 20 thousand dollars on a new home theater because you’re a serious videophile who loves watching movies, you’re more likely to be satisfied than if you were trying to impress the neighbors, assuming you could afford the home theater to begin with. And the fact remains: beyond the basics, the amount of stuff you own has little to do with how happy you are.
Myth #6 - Fame is Fabulous: The tabloids are full of famous people who are miserable in spite of fame; some commit suicide and join the long ranks of celebrity dead. I’m quite sure celebrity has perks, just as I’m sure different types of notoriety yield different levels of satisfaction. But one thing I know for sure: fame, in and of itself, does not make a person happy.
Myth #7 - A Life of Leisure Leads to Happiness: We all have fantasies of endless vacations on sun-swept beaches, staring out at the blue-green waters of eternity. But studies have shown that a life of leisure quickly leads to boredom. The extent to which you make so much money that you never have to make any more is the extent to which you must confront the greatest challenge of all: yourself. This progression from basic needs to self-actualization is classic Maslow. And if you’re lucky enough to figure out what you want to do with all your freedom (many aren’t so lucky), you’ll probably find that you agree with Harvard Psychology Professor Tal Ben-Shahar, who says that in spite of all your freedom, you cannot be happy without work.
Listen, it’s normal to be curious about the rich and famous, which is why shows like The Fabulous Life remain popular. And these shows are harmless, so long as we don’t actually start to believe that people like Britney Spears are happier simply because they’re wealthier and more famous.
Instead of emulating pop stars, research suggests we’d be better off living a life of honor, love, and fulfillment. In other words, meaningful work and loving relationships are more satisfying than all the flash and glitter in Hollywood.
Is it depression or just the sadness of life? - National - theage.com.au
from theage.com.au
Dr Dunphy-Blomfield reckons Aristotle was on the right track by recognising sadness and challenges as vital components of what he called "the good life … which is much more complex than just going out and having fun. It involves relations with others and what he called virtues. These were qualities like courage that allow people to keep themselves well by living with moderation, and coping with the stress and grief that are part of any life."
Aristotle's main argument was to take a steady course, try a little of everything that life has to offer and rate your happiness against the big picture. "Call no man happy until he is dead," is how he described it.
Says Professor John Bigelow, a philosopher with Monash University: "If happiness is what we are supposed to strive for, then it should not be thought of as a current state, but a meaningful overall pattern in a life … When people we love die, we are prompted to think over their life as a whole; and this often prompts us, painfully, to think about our own lives."
Dr Dunphy-Blomfield reckons Aristotle was on the right track by recognising sadness and challenges as vital components of what he called "the good life … which is much more complex than just going out and having fun. It involves relations with others and what he called virtues. These were qualities like courage that allow people to keep themselves well by living with moderation, and coping with the stress and grief that are part of any life."
Aristotle's main argument was to take a steady course, try a little of everything that life has to offer and rate your happiness against the big picture. "Call no man happy until he is dead," is how he described it.
Says Professor John Bigelow, a philosopher with Monash University: "If happiness is what we are supposed to strive for, then it should not be thought of as a current state, but a meaningful overall pattern in a life … When people we love die, we are prompted to think over their life as a whole; and this often prompts us, painfully, to think about our own lives."
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Jewish Happiness Tips
from JewishJournal.com
"It's a great mitzvah to always be happy."
-- Rabbi Nachman of Breslov
1. Happiness is not always easy: You work out to be fit, and you have to work to be happy. It's also easier to be unhappy (stuck) than happy.
2. Happiness is a choice: Anyone, from prisoners to paraplegics, can become happy. It's a state of mind, having a sense of mastery over your life.
3. Happiness has little to do with external factors: Money, power and fame rarely bring happiness. If you choose your goals based on internal values, not external, they can bring you happiness.
4. Happiness does not come from doing nothing: We all have control of our leisure time. Use it to engage in challenging things you love: gardening, creating, exercising, being with loved ones. Sloth usually brings unhappiness.
5. Happiness doesn't mean avoidance of pain: Everyone in life will have pain. But, to quote the Dalai Lama, don't add suffering to the pain.
6. Perspective is the key to happiness: Rabbi Nachman Gamzu said, "Gam zu l'tovah: "This is all for the best." In the game of life, if you learn life lessons from painful situations, you get to move one step further.
7. Practice gratitude: It's hard to be thankful and unhappy at the same time. "Abi gezunt," is the Yiddish phrase of old: "At least you have your health." Everyone has something to be grateful for.
8. Happiness doesn't mean the end of achievement: You can be dissatisfied with somethin and not let it make you miserable. You can be happy and still want more. You will probably always want more.
9. Be engaged in the world: Relationships, true connectedness, bring lasting joy.
10. To thine own self be true: Our sage Hillel said, "If I am not for myself, who will be for me?" Take care of yourself: your body, your health, your mind, your spirit.
11. Give to the world: "And If I am only for myself, what am I?" -- that crucial component of Hillel's famous three-part quote. President Bill Clinton, in his new book, "Giving: How Each of Us Can Change the World," presents many reasons to give, one of them being it is the best way to make yourself happy.
12. Decide to be happy now: As Hillel said, "If not now, then when?"
"It's a great mitzvah to always be happy."
-- Rabbi Nachman of Breslov
1. Happiness is not always easy: You work out to be fit, and you have to work to be happy. It's also easier to be unhappy (stuck) than happy.
2. Happiness is a choice: Anyone, from prisoners to paraplegics, can become happy. It's a state of mind, having a sense of mastery over your life.
3. Happiness has little to do with external factors: Money, power and fame rarely bring happiness. If you choose your goals based on internal values, not external, they can bring you happiness.
4. Happiness does not come from doing nothing: We all have control of our leisure time. Use it to engage in challenging things you love: gardening, creating, exercising, being with loved ones. Sloth usually brings unhappiness.
5. Happiness doesn't mean avoidance of pain: Everyone in life will have pain. But, to quote the Dalai Lama, don't add suffering to the pain.
6. Perspective is the key to happiness: Rabbi Nachman Gamzu said, "Gam zu l'tovah: "This is all for the best." In the game of life, if you learn life lessons from painful situations, you get to move one step further.
7. Practice gratitude: It's hard to be thankful and unhappy at the same time. "Abi gezunt," is the Yiddish phrase of old: "At least you have your health." Everyone has something to be grateful for.
8. Happiness doesn't mean the end of achievement: You can be dissatisfied with somethin and not let it make you miserable. You can be happy and still want more. You will probably always want more.
9. Be engaged in the world: Relationships, true connectedness, bring lasting joy.
10. To thine own self be true: Our sage Hillel said, "If I am not for myself, who will be for me?" Take care of yourself: your body, your health, your mind, your spirit.
11. Give to the world: "And If I am only for myself, what am I?" -- that crucial component of Hillel's famous three-part quote. President Bill Clinton, in his new book, "Giving: How Each of Us Can Change the World," presents many reasons to give, one of them being it is the best way to make yourself happy.
12. Decide to be happy now: As Hillel said, "If not now, then when?"
Your Happiness Predictor is Broken
More from stumbling on happiness by Daniel Gilbert
from
If you’ve ever lived to regret a big decision (a marriage, a big purchase, a job), you know how hard it can be to predict ahead of time how happy an event will make you. Thankfully, all is not lost.
Recently, while reading a book called Stumbling on Happiness by psychologist Daniel Gilbert, it occurred to me that, despite our difficulty knowing what will make us happy, our greatest hope lies in understanding and accounting for our 5 most common prediction errors:
1. Presentism: Studies prove that the way we feel right now heavily influences predictions about how we expect to feel tomorrow. If you’ve ever shopped for groceries on an empty stomach, you know what I mean. The solution? The next time you’re faced with a big decision (something bigger than buying groceries and more akin to buying a new car or choosing a career), document how you feel about each of your options over time, in a variety of moods and circumstances.
2. Missing Information: We tend to leave out critical details when we envision the future. Some details are unknown; others ignored. Gather details by asking people who have accomplished what you’re attempting, researching thoroughly, and considering the many anticipated impacts of your pending decision, including the routine and mundane.
3. Snowflake Syndrome: We think we’re special and unique; we’re not. Because humans are more alike than different, research has shown that we can predict future happiness more accurately by talking to others who are experiencing the thing we are contemplating. In other words, the firsthand, in-the-moment account of a stranger can be more accurate than a personal prediction.
4. Failure to Consider Big Numbers: And as long as you’re gathering the firsthand accounts of others, you might as well gather lots of them. The more experiences you consider, the easier you’ll identify trends and patterns; therefore, the easier you’ll apply those trends and patterns to your own happiness predictions.
5. Poor Memory: In part, we base expectations upon experiences. Because our memories focus on the unusual instead of the routine, the ending instead of the long haul, we often don’t remember as accurately as we believe we do. If you don’t have any record more reliable than your memory upon which to base a decision, try discounting the unusual in favor of the routine and considering averages instead of endings.
Planning for the future is good (after all, we’re headed in that direction anyway),
and by being aware of our brain’s most common predictive errors, we increase our odds of success, so that we might one day find the happiness we so carefully design.
from
If you’ve ever lived to regret a big decision (a marriage, a big purchase, a job), you know how hard it can be to predict ahead of time how happy an event will make you. Thankfully, all is not lost.
Recently, while reading a book called Stumbling on Happiness by psychologist Daniel Gilbert, it occurred to me that, despite our difficulty knowing what will make us happy, our greatest hope lies in understanding and accounting for our 5 most common prediction errors:
1. Presentism: Studies prove that the way we feel right now heavily influences predictions about how we expect to feel tomorrow. If you’ve ever shopped for groceries on an empty stomach, you know what I mean. The solution? The next time you’re faced with a big decision (something bigger than buying groceries and more akin to buying a new car or choosing a career), document how you feel about each of your options over time, in a variety of moods and circumstances.
2. Missing Information: We tend to leave out critical details when we envision the future. Some details are unknown; others ignored. Gather details by asking people who have accomplished what you’re attempting, researching thoroughly, and considering the many anticipated impacts of your pending decision, including the routine and mundane.
3. Snowflake Syndrome: We think we’re special and unique; we’re not. Because humans are more alike than different, research has shown that we can predict future happiness more accurately by talking to others who are experiencing the thing we are contemplating. In other words, the firsthand, in-the-moment account of a stranger can be more accurate than a personal prediction.
4. Failure to Consider Big Numbers: And as long as you’re gathering the firsthand accounts of others, you might as well gather lots of them. The more experiences you consider, the easier you’ll identify trends and patterns; therefore, the easier you’ll apply those trends and patterns to your own happiness predictions.
5. Poor Memory: In part, we base expectations upon experiences. Because our memories focus on the unusual instead of the routine, the ending instead of the long haul, we often don’t remember as accurately as we believe we do. If you don’t have any record more reliable than your memory upon which to base a decision, try discounting the unusual in favor of the routine and considering averages instead of endings.
Planning for the future is good (after all, we’re headed in that direction anyway),
and by being aware of our brain’s most common predictive errors, we increase our odds of success, so that we might one day find the happiness we so carefully design.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Tai Chi Tips
comment from
Jo Tsun Hwa's Four essentials for practice. These may not be commandments,but they apply to much more than tai chi.
1. Know yourself. (You can't succeed without awareness of your own strengths and weaknesses.)
2. Do your best.
3. Don't over do it. (Don't be so intense and fanatical that you take the joy from the experience.)
4. Make a little progress every day.
Jo Tsun Hwa's Four essentials for practice. These may not be commandments,but they apply to much more than tai chi.
1. Know yourself. (You can't succeed without awareness of your own strengths and weaknesses.)
2. Do your best.
3. Don't over do it. (Don't be so intense and fanatical that you take the joy from the experience.)
4. Make a little progress every day.
Friday, September 7, 2007
The Path to Enlightenment (in Six Words)
from
"Do not remember the past;
Do not predict the future;
Do not think about the present;
Do not analyze;
Do not control;
Rest."
"Do not remember the past;
Do not predict the future;
Do not think about the present;
Do not analyze;
Do not control;
Rest."
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