from Uk News
The key to a happy marriage and family life is accepting that misery and suffering are unavoidable, researchers say today.
Therapists claim that "mindful acceptance" of family rows, door-slamming teenagers and painful relationships is better than believing in perfection.
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But they fear that childhood fairytales, love stories and modern counselling techniques are promoting an unhealthy belief that true domestic bliss can be achieved.
"Our culture perpetuates the myth that, with enough effort, we can achieve a state without suffering," says the report in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy.
"This is highlighted by our popular childhood fairytales and modern love stories. In the US, the value placed on 'can-do' spirit and triumph over adversity creates an environment where suffering can be viewed as a symptom of personal failure."
Psychologists have worsened the problem by using the term "mental health" to signify an ideal psychological state where people are free from suffering, according to Dr Diane Gehart and Dr Eric McCollum, family therapy professors in America.
They believe that a Buddhist meditation technique could provide a new way of coping with family suffering. "Mindfulness", where a person tries to focus on their thoughts and actions in the present moment, is already used by psychiatrists to cope with anxiety.
The American family therapists believe it could play a bigger role in people dealing with abuse, divorce, rejection and loss. "We suggest a different antidote to the struggle: mindful acceptance of our relational pain and of the many aspects of a relationship over which we have no control," they say.
"Mindful acceptance is the realisation that while some pain is inevitable, the suffering of the struggling against things we cannot change is not."
British therapists said family counselling in this country was "more realistic" than in America, and already accepted that the darker side of life was often inevitable.
Jan Parker, of The Association of Family Therapy, said: "The authors are right to point out that the pursuit of relationship nirvana can be very damaging. But my experience of relationship counselling and family therapy in this country is that it is rooted in real-life experience. True well-being is not about the pursuit of a permanent state of happiness, that would be daft.
"It involves helping family members work together to negotiate their way through difficult times and good times. It is not about pretending there are no bad times."
Psychiatrists said that the "mindfulness" technique was already showing good results as a treatment for depression.
Dr Quentin Spender, a consultant child psychiatrist and family therapist in Oxford, said: "It makes perfect sense that people should accept the suffering in life. It is a British tradition to accept the adversities of life."
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
The Secret to Happiness
from the Colorado Daily News
A CU researcher has unearthed the recipe for happiness.
Hike the Grand Canyon. Sing karaoke. Dance the tango. Grill out with friends. And no matter what, don't skimp on those experiences to save for a bigger apartment or plasma television.
CU-Boulder psychology professor and happiness expert Leaf Van Boven recently concluded a study in which he found that spending limited money on life experiences instead of material possessions generally makes people happier.
Van Boven polled people from all walks of life about past activities and purchases. He found people's moods elevated more when they recalled experiences - even if the experience, at the time it happened, wasn't that great.
In other words, memories get rosier with hindsight. Objects depreciate.
“The compelling reason people invest in material possessions is you get to retain it over time,” Van Boven said. But in truth, experience is “really quite enduring and improving.”
This is partly because people tend to recall sunnier parts of a trip - the roller-coaster rides, the dolphins in the ocean - while forgetting about the long car ride and cranky kids, he said.
It's also because people are less likely to engage in an experiential arms-race with their neighbors. Only one person in the neighborhood can have the biggest house or nicest car, Van Boven said, but someone else's trip to Costa Rica doesn't cheapen one's own trip to the Rockies.
“Experiences tend to be less prone to those kinds of ‘keeping up with the Joneses' effect,” he said.
Other researchers have found “relative wealth” or “relative poverty” - judging one's standard of living against one's peers - impacts self-worth.
Statistically, though, most people who make these comparisons find themselves in the middle of the pack.
Even the changing definition of “basic needs” is influenced by what others have.
“Things like air conditioners people nowadays say they absolutely need,” Van Boven said. “Seventy-five years ago nobody would have said that.”
That's where experiences come into play. A luxury Caribbean cruise isn't more happiness-inducing than dinner and a movie with friends, Van Boven found. What counts most are memories that emerge from the experience - which tend to be increasingly cherished over time.
Of course, the dichotomy of experience versus objects “is kind of a fuzzy one,” Van Boven said. People need possessions - like a bicycle, skis or a car - to have experiences.
The trick is to buy tools as a means to an end, he said.
Ask yourself, “To what extent does your purchase allow you to do new things?” Van Boven said. “If you already have a car that runs reasonably well, getting a newer and better car probably won't expand your experiential profile.”
The exception to this rule is seen in the poorest of the poor, he found.
“Those people at the very lowest levels of income Š were least likely to say that experiences made them happier than material possessions,” he said.
He ventures two hypotheses to explain this: one, deciding how to spend discretionary income is itself a luxury; and two, “a lot of the experiences people pursue have some kind of educational experience to them.”
A visit to an art museum, a play, a comedy club, a baseball game and a personal quest to climb all of Colorado's Fourteeners share one common thread, he said - “you have to know how to enjoy them.”
Mental attitude is also instrumental, he said.
When asked if it was possible that some self-select as less-secure people who need to showcase their material worth, while others self-select by having skills and confidence to embark on new experiences, Van Boven replied the short answer is “possibly” and the medium answer is “we don't really know.”
But the long answer, he said, is about how people mentally edit the details of their life.
“It's reasonable to hypothesize that some people might be more talented at putting a more favorable spin on things Š over time,” he said.
A CU researcher has unearthed the recipe for happiness.
Hike the Grand Canyon. Sing karaoke. Dance the tango. Grill out with friends. And no matter what, don't skimp on those experiences to save for a bigger apartment or plasma television.
CU-Boulder psychology professor and happiness expert Leaf Van Boven recently concluded a study in which he found that spending limited money on life experiences instead of material possessions generally makes people happier.
Van Boven polled people from all walks of life about past activities and purchases. He found people's moods elevated more when they recalled experiences - even if the experience, at the time it happened, wasn't that great.
In other words, memories get rosier with hindsight. Objects depreciate.
“The compelling reason people invest in material possessions is you get to retain it over time,” Van Boven said. But in truth, experience is “really quite enduring and improving.”
This is partly because people tend to recall sunnier parts of a trip - the roller-coaster rides, the dolphins in the ocean - while forgetting about the long car ride and cranky kids, he said.
It's also because people are less likely to engage in an experiential arms-race with their neighbors. Only one person in the neighborhood can have the biggest house or nicest car, Van Boven said, but someone else's trip to Costa Rica doesn't cheapen one's own trip to the Rockies.
“Experiences tend to be less prone to those kinds of ‘keeping up with the Joneses' effect,” he said.
Other researchers have found “relative wealth” or “relative poverty” - judging one's standard of living against one's peers - impacts self-worth.
Statistically, though, most people who make these comparisons find themselves in the middle of the pack.
Even the changing definition of “basic needs” is influenced by what others have.
“Things like air conditioners people nowadays say they absolutely need,” Van Boven said. “Seventy-five years ago nobody would have said that.”
That's where experiences come into play. A luxury Caribbean cruise isn't more happiness-inducing than dinner and a movie with friends, Van Boven found. What counts most are memories that emerge from the experience - which tend to be increasingly cherished over time.
Of course, the dichotomy of experience versus objects “is kind of a fuzzy one,” Van Boven said. People need possessions - like a bicycle, skis or a car - to have experiences.
The trick is to buy tools as a means to an end, he said.
Ask yourself, “To what extent does your purchase allow you to do new things?” Van Boven said. “If you already have a car that runs reasonably well, getting a newer and better car probably won't expand your experiential profile.”
The exception to this rule is seen in the poorest of the poor, he found.
“Those people at the very lowest levels of income Š were least likely to say that experiences made them happier than material possessions,” he said.
He ventures two hypotheses to explain this: one, deciding how to spend discretionary income is itself a luxury; and two, “a lot of the experiences people pursue have some kind of educational experience to them.”
A visit to an art museum, a play, a comedy club, a baseball game and a personal quest to climb all of Colorado's Fourteeners share one common thread, he said - “you have to know how to enjoy them.”
Mental attitude is also instrumental, he said.
When asked if it was possible that some self-select as less-secure people who need to showcase their material worth, while others self-select by having skills and confidence to embark on new experiences, Van Boven replied the short answer is “possibly” and the medium answer is “we don't really know.”
But the long answer, he said, is about how people mentally edit the details of their life.
“It's reasonable to hypothesize that some people might be more talented at putting a more favorable spin on things Š over time,” he said.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Happiness vs. Engagement
from
The focus of Kashdan’s class that day was the distinction between feeling good, which according to positive psychologists only creates a hunger for more pleasure — they call this syndrome the hedonic treadmill — and doing good, which can lead to lasting happiness.
The focus of Kashdan’s class that day was the distinction between feeling good, which according to positive psychologists only creates a hunger for more pleasure — they call this syndrome the hedonic treadmill — and doing good, which can lead to lasting happiness.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Top 5 Ways to Build a Wonderful Life
Top 5 Ways to Build a Wonderful Life
1. Live Below Your Means
There will always be temptation to forsake the future for immediate gratification. We all want to buy that new piece of technology, treat ourselves to an expensive night on the town, or take out a loan for the flashy car we can’t afford. It might feel great at the time but rash spending hurts a lot later on.
Enjoy life’s simple pleasures and save as much as you can. Expensive things don’t create lasting happiness and security. Careful spending will bring you greater leisure and enjoyment in the long run.
2. Put Your Money to Work
Saving is great, but to make the most of your money you need to put it to work. Good investments can be the difference between retiring in your 40’s or in your 60’s.
A post today at The Simple Dollar really got me thinking. According to Trent’s projections, if a person in their early 20’s invests 20% of their income in an S&P index fund, the interest they earn will equal their current salary when they reach their early 40’s. They could retire without a drop in income!
Wise investing is the surest path to financial independence and it’s something everyone can work on. It’s definitely an area I’ll be devoting more attention to in my personal life and on this blog.
3. Educate Yourself
To be happy we need continuous growth. The best way to grow is life long education. This doesn’t mean you need to pursue a doctorate or spend 2 hours reading every day. Self education can be anything that takes you out of your comfort zone. The important part is keeping an open mind and searching for fresh ideas and perspectives.
Education builds over time. It might feel like the bits of wisdom you acquire don’t mean much, but over the years they add up to form a wiser, kinder, more interesting person.
4. Develop Lasting Personal Relationships
Suppose you had everything you wanted. Would you be happy without anyone to share it with? The personal relationships we develop with friends and family members are the greatest source of happiness in our lives. Don’t forget about them.
Taking the time to cultivate and enjoy personal relationships is essential to longterm happiness. Without the people you care about you’ll probably be miserable, no matter how successful you become.
5. Work Towards a Dream You’re Passionate About
Even if your life isn’t perfect, you can always build towards a goal you’re passionate about. If you aren’t building towards something, you’re probably stagnating. When this happens to me I start to feel like a victim trapped by my own life. The best way to reverse this is working towards a goal.
We can’t control everything about our lives, but working towards a goal gives us something positive to focus on and lays the foundation for future success. No matter what your passion is, get out there and start doing something. As Lao Tzu said, even a journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step.
Bonus: 6. Stay in Shape
You only get one body. Once it’s been ruined there isn’t much you can do about it. Exercise to keep the rust off. Avoid excessive consumption of damaging substances and unhealthy foods. It may feel like terrible self denial at the time but enjoying good health in your later years is worth the sacrifice.
1. Live Below Your Means
There will always be temptation to forsake the future for immediate gratification. We all want to buy that new piece of technology, treat ourselves to an expensive night on the town, or take out a loan for the flashy car we can’t afford. It might feel great at the time but rash spending hurts a lot later on.
Enjoy life’s simple pleasures and save as much as you can. Expensive things don’t create lasting happiness and security. Careful spending will bring you greater leisure and enjoyment in the long run.
2. Put Your Money to Work
Saving is great, but to make the most of your money you need to put it to work. Good investments can be the difference between retiring in your 40’s or in your 60’s.
A post today at The Simple Dollar really got me thinking. According to Trent’s projections, if a person in their early 20’s invests 20% of their income in an S&P index fund, the interest they earn will equal their current salary when they reach their early 40’s. They could retire without a drop in income!
Wise investing is the surest path to financial independence and it’s something everyone can work on. It’s definitely an area I’ll be devoting more attention to in my personal life and on this blog.
3. Educate Yourself
To be happy we need continuous growth. The best way to grow is life long education. This doesn’t mean you need to pursue a doctorate or spend 2 hours reading every day. Self education can be anything that takes you out of your comfort zone. The important part is keeping an open mind and searching for fresh ideas and perspectives.
Education builds over time. It might feel like the bits of wisdom you acquire don’t mean much, but over the years they add up to form a wiser, kinder, more interesting person.
4. Develop Lasting Personal Relationships
Suppose you had everything you wanted. Would you be happy without anyone to share it with? The personal relationships we develop with friends and family members are the greatest source of happiness in our lives. Don’t forget about them.
Taking the time to cultivate and enjoy personal relationships is essential to longterm happiness. Without the people you care about you’ll probably be miserable, no matter how successful you become.
5. Work Towards a Dream You’re Passionate About
Even if your life isn’t perfect, you can always build towards a goal you’re passionate about. If you aren’t building towards something, you’re probably stagnating. When this happens to me I start to feel like a victim trapped by my own life. The best way to reverse this is working towards a goal.
We can’t control everything about our lives, but working towards a goal gives us something positive to focus on and lays the foundation for future success. No matter what your passion is, get out there and start doing something. As Lao Tzu said, even a journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step.
Bonus: 6. Stay in Shape
You only get one body. Once it’s been ruined there isn’t much you can do about it. Exercise to keep the rust off. Avoid excessive consumption of damaging substances and unhealthy foods. It may feel like terrible self denial at the time but enjoying good health in your later years is worth the sacrifice.
Secret to becoming a centenarian
Cuba Journal: Cuba's secret to becoming a centenarian? Happiness
Doctor Eugenio Selman-Husein, president of the 120-Years-old Club, a Cuban association dedicated to studying longevity, says these Cubans have found the secret key to a long life.
'Joy and happiness are the potion for eternal youth,' he says.
'The philosophy of this club is that it is possible to become 120 years old without the need to make a great effort or sacrifices,' explains this still-active surgeon, 77 years old.
For Selman-Husein, there are six basic rules to reach such a high age in a satisfactory way: motivation, moderate food, health, physical activity, culture, and the environment, 'starting with your room.'
He says culture is especially important 'because it is important spiritually and helps you to relax. Stress is one of the worst illnesses of the world.'
Doctor Eugenio Selman-Husein, president of the 120-Years-old Club, a Cuban association dedicated to studying longevity, says these Cubans have found the secret key to a long life.
'Joy and happiness are the potion for eternal youth,' he says.
'The philosophy of this club is that it is possible to become 120 years old without the need to make a great effort or sacrifices,' explains this still-active surgeon, 77 years old.
For Selman-Husein, there are six basic rules to reach such a high age in a satisfactory way: motivation, moderate food, health, physical activity, culture, and the environment, 'starting with your room.'
He says culture is especially important 'because it is important spiritually and helps you to relax. Stress is one of the worst illnesses of the world.'
Thursday, May 24, 2007
People succeed in groups
from
"2. People succeed in groups.
We all know the uncomfortable, competitive feelings that you can get when friends score a success—it can even feel like that their success makes your own success less likely. My sister’s motto is “People succeed in groups,” so good career news for a friend is good for her, too. Not only is this line true, it makes you a much nicer person."
"2. People succeed in groups.
We all know the uncomfortable, competitive feelings that you can get when friends score a success—it can even feel like that their success makes your own success less likely. My sister’s motto is “People succeed in groups,” so good career news for a friend is good for her, too. Not only is this line true, it makes you a much nicer person."
Saturday, May 19, 2007
eudaemonia
from THE WORLD QUESTION CENTER 2007
Edge's ongoing discussions on happiness are clearly documenting (contributing to?) the trend. As psychologist Martin E.P. Seligman noted in his 2004 Edge feature, "Eudaemonia, The Good Life": "The third form of happiness, which is meaning, is again knowing what your highest strengths are and deploying those in the service of something you believe is larger than you are. There's no shortcut to that. That's what life is about."
Edge's ongoing discussions on happiness are clearly documenting (contributing to?) the trend. As psychologist Martin E.P. Seligman noted in his 2004 Edge feature, "Eudaemonia, The Good Life": "The third form of happiness, which is meaning, is again knowing what your highest strengths are and deploying those in the service of something you believe is larger than you are. There's no shortcut to that. That's what life is about."
more on the impact bias
from Edge: AFFECTIVE FORECASTING...OR...THE BIG WOMBASSA
Try this thought experiment: You're going to go on a vacation to a tropical island. It's offered at a very good price, and you have to decide whether you're willing to pay. You are offered one of two pieces of information to help you make your decision. Either you can have a brochure about the hotel and the recreational activities on the island, or you can find out how much a randomly selected traveler who recently spent time there liked his or her experience. Which would you prefer? In studies we've done that are modeled on this thought experiment, roughly 100% of the people prefer the kind of information contained in the brochure. After all, who the hell wants to hear from some random guy when they can look at the brochure and judge for themselves?
Nonetheless, if you actually give people one of these two pieces of information, they more accurately predict their own happiness when they see the random traveler's report then when they see the brochure. Why? Because the brochure enables you to simulate what the island might be like and how much you'd enjoy it, but as I've mentioned, these sorts of predictions are susceptible to a wide variety of errors.
On the other hand, another person's report enables you avoid these errors because it allows you to base your predictions on real experience rather than imaginary experience. If another person liked the island, the odds are that you will like it too. There's a delicious irony here, which is that the information we need to predict how we'll feel in the future is usually right in front of us in the form of other people. But because individuals believe so much in their own uniqueness—because we think we're so psychologically different from others—we refuse to use the information that's right before our eyes.
If you want to be a better affective forecaster, then, you would do well to base your forecasts on the actual experiences of real people who've been in the situations you are only imagining. The more similar to you the person is, the more informative their experience will be, of course. But what's amazing is that even the experience of a randomly selected person provides a better basis for forecasting than does your own imagination.
Try this thought experiment: You're going to go on a vacation to a tropical island. It's offered at a very good price, and you have to decide whether you're willing to pay. You are offered one of two pieces of information to help you make your decision. Either you can have a brochure about the hotel and the recreational activities on the island, or you can find out how much a randomly selected traveler who recently spent time there liked his or her experience. Which would you prefer? In studies we've done that are modeled on this thought experiment, roughly 100% of the people prefer the kind of information contained in the brochure. After all, who the hell wants to hear from some random guy when they can look at the brochure and judge for themselves?
Nonetheless, if you actually give people one of these two pieces of information, they more accurately predict their own happiness when they see the random traveler's report then when they see the brochure. Why? Because the brochure enables you to simulate what the island might be like and how much you'd enjoy it, but as I've mentioned, these sorts of predictions are susceptible to a wide variety of errors.
On the other hand, another person's report enables you avoid these errors because it allows you to base your predictions on real experience rather than imaginary experience. If another person liked the island, the odds are that you will like it too. There's a delicious irony here, which is that the information we need to predict how we'll feel in the future is usually right in front of us in the form of other people. But because individuals believe so much in their own uniqueness—because we think we're so psychologically different from others—we refuse to use the information that's right before our eyes.
If you want to be a better affective forecaster, then, you would do well to base your forecasts on the actual experiences of real people who've been in the situations you are only imagining. The more similar to you the person is, the more informative their experience will be, of course. But what's amazing is that even the experience of a randomly selected person provides a better basis for forecasting than does your own imagination.
the impact bias
from virtual philosopher: Forecasting Happiness
According to Gilbert there is a widespread phenomenon known as 'the impact bias' which is a systematic tendency for people to overestimate the positive effects of getting what we want (and also to overestimate the negative effects of something bad happening to us). We are, then, particularly bad in predictable ways at assessing the effects of future events on our hedonic states.
Gilbert gives two explanations of the impact bias. The first explains why we overestimate the impact of bad events on our future happiness. Although we don't usually realise this, we are very adept at rationalising (or coping): when something bad happens we find a positive aspect to it. The second is what he calls 'focalism'. This is that when we think about the future in relation to particular changed circumstances we tend to examine in our imaginations a very narrow subset of what will actually happen. This has the effect of either exaggerating the happiness that will ensue from some change or overestimating the pain and suffering. We aren't conscious of our biases, but they systematically skew our predictions about what will make our lives go well...
If Gilbert is right, this might undermine J.S.Mill's assertion in On Liberty that individuals know better than other people what will make their lives go well...
According to Gilbert there is a widespread phenomenon known as 'the impact bias' which is a systematic tendency for people to overestimate the positive effects of getting what we want (and also to overestimate the negative effects of something bad happening to us). We are, then, particularly bad in predictable ways at assessing the effects of future events on our hedonic states.
Gilbert gives two explanations of the impact bias. The first explains why we overestimate the impact of bad events on our future happiness. Although we don't usually realise this, we are very adept at rationalising (or coping): when something bad happens we find a positive aspect to it. The second is what he calls 'focalism'. This is that when we think about the future in relation to particular changed circumstances we tend to examine in our imaginations a very narrow subset of what will actually happen. This has the effect of either exaggerating the happiness that will ensue from some change or overestimating the pain and suffering. We aren't conscious of our biases, but they systematically skew our predictions about what will make our lives go well...
If Gilbert is right, this might undermine J.S.Mill's assertion in On Liberty that individuals know better than other people what will make their lives go well...
Friday, May 11, 2007
The secret to happiness
from the Jerusalem Post
Ben-Shahar's six lessons on happiness
1. Give yourself permission to be human. When we accept emotions - such as fear, sadness or anxiety - as natural, we are more likely to overcome them. Rejecting our emotions, positive or negative, leads to frustration and unhappiness.
We are a culture obsessed with pleasure and believe that the mark of a worthy life is the absence of discomfort; and when we experience pain, we take it to indicate that something must be wrong with us. In fact, there is something wrong with us if we don't experience sadness or anxiety at times. The paradox is that when we accept our feelings - when we give ourselves the permission to be human and experience painful emotions - we are more likely to open ourselves up to positive emotions.
2. Happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure and meaning.
Whether at work or at home, the goal is to engage in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable. When this is not feasible, make sure you have happiness boosters, moments throughout the week that provide you with both pleasure and meaning. Research shows that an hour or two of a meaningful and pleasurable experience can affect the quality of an entire day or even a whole week.
3. Keep in mind that happiness is mostly dependent on our state of mind, not on our status or the state of our bank account. Barring extreme circumstances, our level of well-being is determined by what we choose to focus on and by our interpretation of external events. For example, do we focus on the empty part or the full part of the glass? Do we view failures as catastrophic, or do we see them as a learning opportunities?
4. Simplify! We are, generally, too busy, trying to squeeze more and more activities into less and less time. Quantity influences quality, and we compromise on our happiness by trying to do too much. Knowing when to say no to others often means saying yes to ourselves.
5. Remember the mind-body connection. What we do - or don't do - with our bodies influences our mind. Regular exercise, adequate sleep and healthy eating habits lead to both physical and mental health.
6. Express gratitude, whenever possible. We too often take our lives for granted. Learn to appreciate and savor the wonderful things in life, from people to food, from nature to a smile.
Ben-Shahar's six lessons on happiness
1. Give yourself permission to be human. When we accept emotions - such as fear, sadness or anxiety - as natural, we are more likely to overcome them. Rejecting our emotions, positive or negative, leads to frustration and unhappiness.
We are a culture obsessed with pleasure and believe that the mark of a worthy life is the absence of discomfort; and when we experience pain, we take it to indicate that something must be wrong with us. In fact, there is something wrong with us if we don't experience sadness or anxiety at times. The paradox is that when we accept our feelings - when we give ourselves the permission to be human and experience painful emotions - we are more likely to open ourselves up to positive emotions.
2. Happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure and meaning.
Whether at work or at home, the goal is to engage in activities that are both personally significant and enjoyable. When this is not feasible, make sure you have happiness boosters, moments throughout the week that provide you with both pleasure and meaning. Research shows that an hour or two of a meaningful and pleasurable experience can affect the quality of an entire day or even a whole week.
3. Keep in mind that happiness is mostly dependent on our state of mind, not on our status or the state of our bank account. Barring extreme circumstances, our level of well-being is determined by what we choose to focus on and by our interpretation of external events. For example, do we focus on the empty part or the full part of the glass? Do we view failures as catastrophic, or do we see them as a learning opportunities?
4. Simplify! We are, generally, too busy, trying to squeeze more and more activities into less and less time. Quantity influences quality, and we compromise on our happiness by trying to do too much. Knowing when to say no to others often means saying yes to ourselves.
5. Remember the mind-body connection. What we do - or don't do - with our bodies influences our mind. Regular exercise, adequate sleep and healthy eating habits lead to both physical and mental health.
6. Express gratitude, whenever possible. We too often take our lives for granted. Learn to appreciate and savor the wonderful things in life, from people to food, from nature to a smile.
Saturday, May 5, 2007
The elusive secret of happiness
by Russell Williams from the Albuquerque Tribune
"Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment. Full effort is full victory."
India's Mohandas Gandhi penned those words. A deeply spiritual man who transformed his life and the life of his nation, Gandhi was a practitioner of the philosophy that earnest effort is the source of happiness.
In our attainment-laden, ambition-driven society, many Americans live the illusionary philosophy that personal triumph means to stand on the peak of a great accomplishment and say, "Now, I am now complete. Now, I can be happy."
We close our eyes to happiness when we live such a life philosophy.
Happiness is not found by resting in yesterday's attainment; it is discovered in the progressive doing. Perennial words of wisdom reveal these truths:
"We are happy when we are growing."
- William Butler Yeats.
"The soul's joy lies in doing."
- Percy Bysshe Shelley
"A mind always employed is always happy. This is the true secret, the grand recipe, for felicity."
- Thomas Jefferson
"Action itself, so long as I am convinced that it is right action, gives me satisfaction."
- Jawaharlal Nehru
Parents and grandparents, teachers and coaches who are seeking to shape the lives of America's kids to become kids of character can do much to support the moral and ethical growth of a child by modeling and communicating that happiness is an evolving and unfolding journey in which we find joy in moving, looking, seeing, growing, stumbling, trying, and practicing.
Moments of character triumph. when a child experiences the positive results of self discipline; finds reward in caring for another; or discovers the power of moral courage in facing a failure.
These character milestones are potential steps to a lifetime of happiness that is understood as the problem-solving that Maxwell Maltz described when he wrote, "We find no real satisfaction or happiness in life without obstacles to conquer and goals to achieve."
"Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment. Full effort is full victory."
India's Mohandas Gandhi penned those words. A deeply spiritual man who transformed his life and the life of his nation, Gandhi was a practitioner of the philosophy that earnest effort is the source of happiness.
In our attainment-laden, ambition-driven society, many Americans live the illusionary philosophy that personal triumph means to stand on the peak of a great accomplishment and say, "Now, I am now complete. Now, I can be happy."
We close our eyes to happiness when we live such a life philosophy.
Happiness is not found by resting in yesterday's attainment; it is discovered in the progressive doing. Perennial words of wisdom reveal these truths:
"We are happy when we are growing."
- William Butler Yeats.
"The soul's joy lies in doing."
- Percy Bysshe Shelley
"A mind always employed is always happy. This is the true secret, the grand recipe, for felicity."
- Thomas Jefferson
"Action itself, so long as I am convinced that it is right action, gives me satisfaction."
- Jawaharlal Nehru
Parents and grandparents, teachers and coaches who are seeking to shape the lives of America's kids to become kids of character can do much to support the moral and ethical growth of a child by modeling and communicating that happiness is an evolving and unfolding journey in which we find joy in moving, looking, seeing, growing, stumbling, trying, and practicing.
Moments of character triumph. when a child experiences the positive results of self discipline; finds reward in caring for another; or discovers the power of moral courage in facing a failure.
These character milestones are potential steps to a lifetime of happiness that is understood as the problem-solving that Maxwell Maltz described when he wrote, "We find no real satisfaction or happiness in life without obstacles to conquer and goals to achieve."
Thursday, May 3, 2007
What makes you happy?
some selected excerpts from BBC NEWS | Programmes | Happiness Formula | What makes you happy?
Somebody once told me "It is not the position in which you stand, but the direction in which you look". When I am sad about something I think about where I want to be and work at getting there. This makes me happy again.
-- Tracy, UK
An Indian Swami gave me this equation of happiness. Happiness = number of desires fulfilled / number of desires created. The happiness increases if you increase the numerator, as one feels happy as soon as one's desire is fulfilled, or you decrease the denominator ie create fewer desires. As the mind is capable of increasing the denominator endlessly and there are practical limitations in increasing the numerator, it is better to train the mind to generate fewer desires. A person with no desires is the happiest person on earth.
-- Manmohan Sehgal, USA
I keep a picture on the wall, from an old Buddhist Calendar. It illustrates a Buddhist proverb that I try to remember at the start of every day. There is no way to happiness: happiness is the way. Works for me!
-- Phil Bishop, UK
I think in life we are all looking for beauty. Beauty makes us happy. So the key to happiness is to notice the beauty that is everywhere around us. This picture is of the Parc Tete d'Or in Lyon. I go there almost every day to take photos or just to relax. It makes me so happy to see the new flowers, the birds, the people. There might be loads of bad things happening in this world at the moment but there is still so much happiness and beauty left to be discovered.
-- Meenal Singh, France
Stop reading newspapers! They concentrate on the negative - that is what news is. I stopped years ago and noticed the change immediately. The BBC news website is where I get all my news now - so much more balanced. Oh and I don't work for the beeb!
-- Ian, UK
Somebody once told me "It is not the position in which you stand, but the direction in which you look". When I am sad about something I think about where I want to be and work at getting there. This makes me happy again.
-- Tracy, UK
An Indian Swami gave me this equation of happiness. Happiness = number of desires fulfilled / number of desires created. The happiness increases if you increase the numerator, as one feels happy as soon as one's desire is fulfilled, or you decrease the denominator ie create fewer desires. As the mind is capable of increasing the denominator endlessly and there are practical limitations in increasing the numerator, it is better to train the mind to generate fewer desires. A person with no desires is the happiest person on earth.
-- Manmohan Sehgal, USA
I keep a picture on the wall, from an old Buddhist Calendar. It illustrates a Buddhist proverb that I try to remember at the start of every day. There is no way to happiness: happiness is the way. Works for me!
-- Phil Bishop, UK
I think in life we are all looking for beauty. Beauty makes us happy. So the key to happiness is to notice the beauty that is everywhere around us. This picture is of the Parc Tete d'Or in Lyon. I go there almost every day to take photos or just to relax. It makes me so happy to see the new flowers, the birds, the people. There might be loads of bad things happening in this world at the moment but there is still so much happiness and beauty left to be discovered.
-- Meenal Singh, France
Stop reading newspapers! They concentrate on the negative - that is what news is. I stopped years ago and noticed the change immediately. The BBC news website is where I get all my news now - so much more balanced. Oh and I don't work for the beeb!
-- Ian, UK
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
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