from Happiness is a chemical | The Australian
There's a Jewish joke that I love. An old man is asked if he's happy. He answers: "I'm not 'HAPPY'" (said with arms in the air, voice raised loudly), "I'm 'happy'" (said quietly with a bit of a shrug). Which reminds me of myself. Most of the time I am happy. Not 'HAPPY', I'm 'happy'. So-so, happy enough.
Which isn’t enough in this happiness-obsessed world. Suddenly the race is on to find the Big H, with conferences, books and gurus all giving advice. It’s become an entire industry, with the million-dollar promise being: “How to find happiness.”
I think the real question is not how to find happiness. Which is relatively easy. Just give someone a chocolate, a romp in the hay, a sunny day, a holiday, a new love interest. It’s how to keep it that’s the problem.
Buddhists say that happiness is the precursor to suffering. Because it doesn’t last. It can’t, for two simple reasons: First, everything changes. Second, happiness is a chemical reaction.
When we feel happy or in love with something or somebody the body floods with pleasure. This pleasure is a rush of chemicals with a similar structure to amphetamines or speed, including adrenalin, dopamine, and norepinephrine. The heart races, the face flushes in delight as the neurotransmitters send chemicals into our nervous system. Later, opiates become involved to prolong the bliss.
Happiness is a natural high, and it’s healthy and wonderful for both body and soul. But, like any intoxicant, be it alcohol or drugs, it comes to an end as the body builds up tolerance. Or as circumstances change in the rough-and-tumble of reality. Happiness then becomes an addiction. And we become happiness junkies in search of the next fix, destined to suffer, to seek out a dealer who can keep us high, often trapped in a constant state of unhappiness while searching for the illusory Happy Ever After. In his masterpiece Three Sisters, Russian playwright Anton Chekhov captured this in the sisters’ obsessive lament: “When I get to Moscow…”
More real and more sustainable is contentment. As one contented person told me: “I find pleasure in simple things nowadays. My life isn’t thrilling, but it’s deeply satisfying.” Perhaps as a species we need the quest for the Holy Grail to keep us performing. But for me and many other recovering happiness junkies, the thing we most crave now is an end to the craving. Contentment is the road home.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
How to fall in love with your job
from How to fall in love with your job | News.com.au:
"If you're feeling trapped at work, there are a few things you can do to fall in love with your job again - or at least help you stick it out until the economy picks up and you can jump ship.
Psychologist Dr Timothy Sharp calls himself 'Mr Happy' and teaches people how to get more enjoyment out of their work as founder and chief happiness officer of The Happiness Institute.
'Not everyone will be 100 per cent happy 100 per cent of the time,' says Dr Sharp. 'You have to be realistic, but you can be more satisfied. Being 60 per cent satisfied with your job is better than being 30 per cent satisfied.'
Focus on the positives
Be grateful and focus on the good things about your workplace, your role or your co-workers. There is no such thing as a perfect job, but most have good aspects.
'Many of us have a tendency to focus on the bad things,' says Dr Sharp.
"However there are very few organisations that are totally terrible and for every problem or colleague you don’t like there are almost certainly good things and nice people."
Don't complain, do something
If something is making you unhappy, try to fix it.
"Don't complain, do something," says Dr Sharp. Most employees sit back and criticise, but assume management will step in.
"Even if it's turning up with the right mindset, even if it's doing something nice for the other person, or finding a way to bring fun into the workplace," says Dr Sharp.
Look at the big picture
Stop getting bogged down on details and mind numbing daily minutiae. Instead, focus on how your job fits into the big picture.
"What's the day to day result of your efforts? Are you making people's lives better, contributing to their financial success?"
Reminding yourself of the purpose of your job makes it more meaningful.
"Happiness is not just about feeling good, it's about doing good," says Dr Sharp.
Think positively
We can't control annoying workplace stuff like boring tasks, endless interruptions or catty co-workers, but we can change our mindset.
"When we walk in the door in the morning employers can tell us what to do, but they can't tell us how to think," says Dr Sharp.
"If you can't change what's going on around you, you can change the way you respond to it," says Dr Sharp. But he admits this one is easier said than done.
Stop doing things you hate
People often spend a lot of time doing tasks we think are essential, but are really optional.
Don't quit your job, just quit doing the stuff you hate, and see if anyone notices.
Or delegate tasks you dread to someone who enjoys that type of work.
"One of the mistakes we make is thinking 'I don't like this, so no one will," explains Dr Sharp.
Get back to essentials
A partner at a large professional services firm came to Dr Sharp feeling bored and burnt out after decades in the same industry.
"Over the years, he'd let certain aspects of the job he didn't enjoy creep up and had let go of things he enjoyed," says Dr Sharp.
By cutting down or delegating tasks the client was bored by or didn't like, he was able to refocus on his priorities and strengths.
"Within a period of months, he was loving his job again and didn't want to leave," says Dr Sharp.
Founder and career coach at Max Coaching Jane Lowder says this 'scope creep' is the number one reason people stop liking their jobs.
"One of the biggest reasons why people can lose their spark incrementally over time, especially very responsible people, is they start to put their hand up for additional job responsibilities outside the original responsibilities."
If your job isn't what you signed up for, you need to have a frank talk with your manager to get back to basics.
Fix your relationships
The people you work with are key to happiness on the job. The perfect job can become a nightmare with a different manager.
Trying to get along better with your colleagues and improving communication can help.
Never assume you know why a colleague is behaving badly, says Ms Lowder.
"If it's a manager relationship it's worth saying to the manager, 'Is there anything you need me to do differently in order to make the best contribution to this team? That can help alleviate any disconnection," says Ms Lowder.
Take a break
If you really are burnt out, instead of quitting, just take a holiday.
"For some people who are burnt out, they may need to give themselves permission to have a break, take a holiday or a long weekend, step off that treadmill and get some perspective," says Ms Lowder.
Find a mentor
Connecting with those people can give you hope, survival strategies and resilience, says Ms Lowder.
"If you're needing to stick it out in your current job, I definitely recommend a mentor," says Ms Lowder.
Making connections with people in your company or industry can give you survival strategies and hope, which will make you more resilient.
Sign up for a professional associations and network, so that when opportunities arise you’ll be in a position to be noticed.
When to get out
So what if you've tried all that and you're still miserable? Sometimes, you just have to cut your losses. Bullying or abuse at work are unacceptable and can't be fixed by your new sunny attitude.
"If you feel you've made a genuine effort over a period of time - and it can take weeks or months - and it's still highly unpleasant or impacting on your life in other ways then yes, there is a point where people need to consider changing jobs or changing jobs within the organisation," says Dr Sharp.
"If you're feeling trapped at work, there are a few things you can do to fall in love with your job again - or at least help you stick it out until the economy picks up and you can jump ship.
Psychologist Dr Timothy Sharp calls himself 'Mr Happy' and teaches people how to get more enjoyment out of their work as founder and chief happiness officer of The Happiness Institute.
'Not everyone will be 100 per cent happy 100 per cent of the time,' says Dr Sharp. 'You have to be realistic, but you can be more satisfied. Being 60 per cent satisfied with your job is better than being 30 per cent satisfied.'
Focus on the positives
Be grateful and focus on the good things about your workplace, your role or your co-workers. There is no such thing as a perfect job, but most have good aspects.
'Many of us have a tendency to focus on the bad things,' says Dr Sharp.
"However there are very few organisations that are totally terrible and for every problem or colleague you don’t like there are almost certainly good things and nice people."
Don't complain, do something
If something is making you unhappy, try to fix it.
"Don't complain, do something," says Dr Sharp. Most employees sit back and criticise, but assume management will step in.
"Even if it's turning up with the right mindset, even if it's doing something nice for the other person, or finding a way to bring fun into the workplace," says Dr Sharp.
Look at the big picture
Stop getting bogged down on details and mind numbing daily minutiae. Instead, focus on how your job fits into the big picture.
"What's the day to day result of your efforts? Are you making people's lives better, contributing to their financial success?"
Reminding yourself of the purpose of your job makes it more meaningful.
"Happiness is not just about feeling good, it's about doing good," says Dr Sharp.
Think positively
We can't control annoying workplace stuff like boring tasks, endless interruptions or catty co-workers, but we can change our mindset.
"When we walk in the door in the morning employers can tell us what to do, but they can't tell us how to think," says Dr Sharp.
"If you can't change what's going on around you, you can change the way you respond to it," says Dr Sharp. But he admits this one is easier said than done.
Stop doing things you hate
People often spend a lot of time doing tasks we think are essential, but are really optional.
Don't quit your job, just quit doing the stuff you hate, and see if anyone notices.
Or delegate tasks you dread to someone who enjoys that type of work.
"One of the mistakes we make is thinking 'I don't like this, so no one will," explains Dr Sharp.
Get back to essentials
A partner at a large professional services firm came to Dr Sharp feeling bored and burnt out after decades in the same industry.
"Over the years, he'd let certain aspects of the job he didn't enjoy creep up and had let go of things he enjoyed," says Dr Sharp.
By cutting down or delegating tasks the client was bored by or didn't like, he was able to refocus on his priorities and strengths.
"Within a period of months, he was loving his job again and didn't want to leave," says Dr Sharp.
Founder and career coach at Max Coaching Jane Lowder says this 'scope creep' is the number one reason people stop liking their jobs.
"One of the biggest reasons why people can lose their spark incrementally over time, especially very responsible people, is they start to put their hand up for additional job responsibilities outside the original responsibilities."
If your job isn't what you signed up for, you need to have a frank talk with your manager to get back to basics.
Fix your relationships
The people you work with are key to happiness on the job. The perfect job can become a nightmare with a different manager.
Trying to get along better with your colleagues and improving communication can help.
Never assume you know why a colleague is behaving badly, says Ms Lowder.
"If it's a manager relationship it's worth saying to the manager, 'Is there anything you need me to do differently in order to make the best contribution to this team? That can help alleviate any disconnection," says Ms Lowder.
Take a break
If you really are burnt out, instead of quitting, just take a holiday.
"For some people who are burnt out, they may need to give themselves permission to have a break, take a holiday or a long weekend, step off that treadmill and get some perspective," says Ms Lowder.
Find a mentor
Connecting with those people can give you hope, survival strategies and resilience, says Ms Lowder.
"If you're needing to stick it out in your current job, I definitely recommend a mentor," says Ms Lowder.
Making connections with people in your company or industry can give you survival strategies and hope, which will make you more resilient.
Sign up for a professional associations and network, so that when opportunities arise you’ll be in a position to be noticed.
When to get out
So what if you've tried all that and you're still miserable? Sometimes, you just have to cut your losses. Bullying or abuse at work are unacceptable and can't be fixed by your new sunny attitude.
"If you feel you've made a genuine effort over a period of time - and it can take weeks or months - and it's still highly unpleasant or impacting on your life in other ways then yes, there is a point where people need to consider changing jobs or changing jobs within the organisation," says Dr Sharp.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
delusion leads to happiness
from SMHTruly, only the path of delusion leads to health, wealth and happiness - Opinion
Path of delusion leads to health, wealth and happiness
Lisa Pryor
May 10, 2008
Have you ever wondered whether there is something missing in your life? Do you feel destined for more than the world seems to offer? Are you looking for the fast track to happiness?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, pay attention. For I have scoured the greatest philosophical, spiritual and academic teachings of the globe in search of a recipe for peace and abundance, contentment and success, and I am willing to share my secret without expecting anything in return, not even three easy payments of $49.95 plus postage and handling.
So here it is, the secret of the universe: if you want to be truly happy you must harness the power of delusion. Deep within the soul of every one of us resides the capacity for believing things that probably aren't true.
I am not trying to encourage grand delusions worthy of a nutter's sandwich board, about spies, lasers and underground lairs, just garden variety fantasies: believing the world is a good place ruled over by a benevolent and omnipotent God, believing alternative health therapies actually work, believing one's partner is the most beautiful thing in the world even though there is no objective evidence that they are even 10 per cent more wonderful than anyone else. These are the delusions to cultivate.
Truth is not the path to health and happiness. Scientific evidence abounds showing good things come to those who disregard scientific evidence.
First, consider the placebo effect, in which sham medicines and treatments can noticeably improve a patient's health. The placebo has become a new frontier of medicine in the United States, as the Guardian columnist Madeleine Bunting explained in March: "In a range of studies with startling results - even sham knee surgery can be as effective as the real thing - many factors contribute to placebo: the confidence of the doctor; the social, cultural expectations around the procedure; the empathy and warmth of the patient-doctor relationship; the patient's degree of faith."
Placebos are as effective as conventional medicine for treating irritable bowel syndrome, according to a recent study published by Ted Kaptchuk, a Harvard Medical School professor with training in Chinese medicine. His attitude towards science is refreshing: "I'm a scientist, but I can live with superstition," he told the US Public Broadcasting Service. "Scientific perspective is so rational that it forgets that the passion and foibles of human beings are part of the dialogue and discourse of all ages. I don't mean to say science is bad, but there's a hubris there that science has all the answers and you've just got to get rid of all the superstitious stuff and then we'd have a great world."
Second, consider the religion effect. Many religions claim to be the one true religion and they cannot all be right, so someone is having themselves on. Yet numerous studies show that individuals who believe in God are happier than those who don't. A study presented to a Royal Economic Society conference in Britain in March found that Christians reported higher levels of life satisfaction, with faith serving as a buffer against the disappointments of life. They were less likely to experience psychological harm from unemployment, for example.
Third, consider the parenthood effect. On Thursday, at the Happiness and Its Causes conference at Darling Harbour, a Harvard psychology professor, Daniel Gilbert, talked about how having children has a negative effect on happiness.
One detail of his speech caught my attention: he noted that studies in Europe and the US showed that happiness spikes when a couple is expecting a baby, before plummeting sharply once the child arrives. Could this be because expectant parents are so good at harnessing the power of delusion? Fantasies about how they will work efficiently from home while the baby sleeps soundly in the next room? Wishful thoughts about how their child will behave properly and never throw supermarket tantrums? Dreams that are smashed when the child arrives? Probably.
So there it is. Sceptics, cynics and rationalists may not be so smart after all. We should show more respect for crystal healers, fantasists and fundamentalist fruits, for they may have unlocked the key to happiness. One question remains, though: is it better to be happy or right?
This story was found at: http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2008/05/09/1210131257955.html
Path of delusion leads to health, wealth and happiness
Lisa Pryor
May 10, 2008
Have you ever wondered whether there is something missing in your life? Do you feel destined for more than the world seems to offer? Are you looking for the fast track to happiness?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, pay attention. For I have scoured the greatest philosophical, spiritual and academic teachings of the globe in search of a recipe for peace and abundance, contentment and success, and I am willing to share my secret without expecting anything in return, not even three easy payments of $49.95 plus postage and handling.
So here it is, the secret of the universe: if you want to be truly happy you must harness the power of delusion. Deep within the soul of every one of us resides the capacity for believing things that probably aren't true.
I am not trying to encourage grand delusions worthy of a nutter's sandwich board, about spies, lasers and underground lairs, just garden variety fantasies: believing the world is a good place ruled over by a benevolent and omnipotent God, believing alternative health therapies actually work, believing one's partner is the most beautiful thing in the world even though there is no objective evidence that they are even 10 per cent more wonderful than anyone else. These are the delusions to cultivate.
Truth is not the path to health and happiness. Scientific evidence abounds showing good things come to those who disregard scientific evidence.
First, consider the placebo effect, in which sham medicines and treatments can noticeably improve a patient's health. The placebo has become a new frontier of medicine in the United States, as the Guardian columnist Madeleine Bunting explained in March: "In a range of studies with startling results - even sham knee surgery can be as effective as the real thing - many factors contribute to placebo: the confidence of the doctor; the social, cultural expectations around the procedure; the empathy and warmth of the patient-doctor relationship; the patient's degree of faith."
Placebos are as effective as conventional medicine for treating irritable bowel syndrome, according to a recent study published by Ted Kaptchuk, a Harvard Medical School professor with training in Chinese medicine. His attitude towards science is refreshing: "I'm a scientist, but I can live with superstition," he told the US Public Broadcasting Service. "Scientific perspective is so rational that it forgets that the passion and foibles of human beings are part of the dialogue and discourse of all ages. I don't mean to say science is bad, but there's a hubris there that science has all the answers and you've just got to get rid of all the superstitious stuff and then we'd have a great world."
Second, consider the religion effect. Many religions claim to be the one true religion and they cannot all be right, so someone is having themselves on. Yet numerous studies show that individuals who believe in God are happier than those who don't. A study presented to a Royal Economic Society conference in Britain in March found that Christians reported higher levels of life satisfaction, with faith serving as a buffer against the disappointments of life. They were less likely to experience psychological harm from unemployment, for example.
Third, consider the parenthood effect. On Thursday, at the Happiness and Its Causes conference at Darling Harbour, a Harvard psychology professor, Daniel Gilbert, talked about how having children has a negative effect on happiness.
One detail of his speech caught my attention: he noted that studies in Europe and the US showed that happiness spikes when a couple is expecting a baby, before plummeting sharply once the child arrives. Could this be because expectant parents are so good at harnessing the power of delusion? Fantasies about how they will work efficiently from home while the baby sleeps soundly in the next room? Wishful thoughts about how their child will behave properly and never throw supermarket tantrums? Dreams that are smashed when the child arrives? Probably.
So there it is. Sceptics, cynics and rationalists may not be so smart after all. We should show more respect for crystal healers, fantasists and fundamentalist fruits, for they may have unlocked the key to happiness. One question remains, though: is it better to be happy or right?
This story was found at: http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2008/05/09/1210131257955.html
Saturday, May 3, 2008
The five secrets to happiness
from Sheknows.com
Learn How
To Live Fully
Michele Thompson, MS
What are the secrets to happiness and meaning? Why do some people find a deep sense of purpose while they are here and die with few regrets while others end their lives bitter and disappointed? John Izzo, Ph.D., author of The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die, asked several thousand people to identify the one person they knew who had lived a long life and found true happiness. He interviewed over 200 of the nominees and discovered five clear themes – or secrets – that embody a happy and meaningful life. Here is how you can incorporate these five secrets into your life and live an enriched and fulfilling existence.
Happy Woman
1. Be true to yourself
Izzo explains, “Being true to yourself often means drowning out other voices that would ask you to live their dreams instead of yours.”
Knowing what brings you happiness and focusing your life on what matters to you is essential in living a life that sates your soul. In your daily life, it means you know what brings you joy and you live your life to ensure that you follow your joyful destiny.
Izzo says, “One of the people I interviewed was a Latina woman who talked about the importance of following our ‘destina.’ He adds, “Destina is the idea is that each of us has a path that is most true to us, which is not so much a destination as a way we are meant to be in the world. For example, I am a teacher and philosopher by nature and when I stay close to that path I experience true joy.”
According to Izzo, to find genuine happiness and experience true joy, you must follow your heart – have the discipline to listen to your heart and the courage to follow it. This means asking if the life you are living is true to your deepest sense of self. Ask yourself, Are you being true to yourself right now?
2. Leave No Regrets
One of the most interesting things that Izzo learned from talking to the 235 wise people he interviewed is that almost none of them regretted risks they took – even if the ventures did not work out – and most even said they wished they would have risked more.
Izzo says, “It seems to me that what we fear most as we age is not death, but rather it is to come to the end of our life feeling that we never truly lived. The saddest words ever spoken at the end of life are ‘I wish I had….’”
Izzo suggests that one of the keys to moving towards what you want instead of what you fear is to focus on the best possible result and not the worst. Ask yourself, Are you going for what you truly want in your life or acting with fear?
3. Become Love
Izzo says that, according to the wide variety of people he interviewed, the greatest source of happiness for them and the largest place of regret had to do with other people.
He says, “What I discovered is that those who made people a priority in their lives and who developed deep personal relationships found true happiness. Many of them told me that ‘things’ rarely brought true joy, whereas family and friends brought lasting happiness.” He suggests, “One way to focus on relationships is to get intentional goals for our personal relationships just like we do in our careers.”
Another interesting thing Izzo gleaned from his interviews was that the choice to give love is even more important in determining happiness than getting it. He says, “These people talked to me about the importance of choosing love and kindness as your way in the world. They taught me that when we choose to be a loving person we find a deep sense of meaning in life.” Ask yourself, Are you choosing to love or fear it?
4. Live the Moment
“One of the most common things people told me was how fast life goes by and how important it is to enjoy each moment,” says Izzo.
Among the secrets Izzo learned from the people he interviewed was how they placed great importance to live in the present. Living in the present means to fully enjoy whatever experience you are having (and not to wish you were somewhere else), and to live with gratitude focusing on what you are grateful for rather than what you don’t have.
Izzo explains, “They told me that we have no power over the past and little power over the future. Many of them said that whenever you find yourself saying ‘I will be happy when… or I will be happy if…,’ that it is important to remember that happiness is a choice we make inside.”
He adds, “One woman told me: ‘You have to stop judging your life and start living your life. Stop keeping score trying to decide if you are winning. Instead, live each day fully and stay in the moment.’” So ask yourself, Are you living with gratitude right now, focusing on enjoying your life rather than judging it?
5. Give More Than You Take
Izzo shares, “When I asked people what gave their lives the greatest meaning, people told me again and again that being of service and knowing that they made things better because they were there for others was by far the greatest source of meaning.”
Izzo says that it is what you give, not what you take that gives life meaning. He says, “Many of them also reminded me that we have little control over what we get from the world every day (whether people will love us, whether we will win the lottery, etc.) but we have complete control over what we give to the world – whether we choose to be kind, charitable, and to give to others. These people reminded me that everything we take from the world dies with us, but everything we give to the world gets recycled.”
“All the spiritual traditions remind us that true happiness comes from focusing on being of service and in the process joy finds us,” he concludes. Ask yourself, Are you focused on giving or getting each day?
Put the secrets in practice
Izzo says, “It is not enough to know the secrets, we must live them. Someone once told me ‘If you want to live a happy life; ask someone who has lived one.’ This past year I had the privilege to sit at the feet of 235 of the wisest people I have ever met and I was amazed how clear they were on what mattered, what didn’t matter, and how each of us can create a life of meaning and happiness.”
Learn How
To Live Fully
Michele Thompson, MS
What are the secrets to happiness and meaning? Why do some people find a deep sense of purpose while they are here and die with few regrets while others end their lives bitter and disappointed? John Izzo, Ph.D., author of The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die, asked several thousand people to identify the one person they knew who had lived a long life and found true happiness. He interviewed over 200 of the nominees and discovered five clear themes – or secrets – that embody a happy and meaningful life. Here is how you can incorporate these five secrets into your life and live an enriched and fulfilling existence.
Happy Woman
1. Be true to yourself
Izzo explains, “Being true to yourself often means drowning out other voices that would ask you to live their dreams instead of yours.”
Knowing what brings you happiness and focusing your life on what matters to you is essential in living a life that sates your soul. In your daily life, it means you know what brings you joy and you live your life to ensure that you follow your joyful destiny.
Izzo says, “One of the people I interviewed was a Latina woman who talked about the importance of following our ‘destina.’ He adds, “Destina is the idea is that each of us has a path that is most true to us, which is not so much a destination as a way we are meant to be in the world. For example, I am a teacher and philosopher by nature and when I stay close to that path I experience true joy.”
According to Izzo, to find genuine happiness and experience true joy, you must follow your heart – have the discipline to listen to your heart and the courage to follow it. This means asking if the life you are living is true to your deepest sense of self. Ask yourself, Are you being true to yourself right now?
2. Leave No Regrets
One of the most interesting things that Izzo learned from talking to the 235 wise people he interviewed is that almost none of them regretted risks they took – even if the ventures did not work out – and most even said they wished they would have risked more.
Izzo says, “It seems to me that what we fear most as we age is not death, but rather it is to come to the end of our life feeling that we never truly lived. The saddest words ever spoken at the end of life are ‘I wish I had….’”
Izzo suggests that one of the keys to moving towards what you want instead of what you fear is to focus on the best possible result and not the worst. Ask yourself, Are you going for what you truly want in your life or acting with fear?
3. Become Love
Izzo says that, according to the wide variety of people he interviewed, the greatest source of happiness for them and the largest place of regret had to do with other people.
He says, “What I discovered is that those who made people a priority in their lives and who developed deep personal relationships found true happiness. Many of them told me that ‘things’ rarely brought true joy, whereas family and friends brought lasting happiness.” He suggests, “One way to focus on relationships is to get intentional goals for our personal relationships just like we do in our careers.”
Another interesting thing Izzo gleaned from his interviews was that the choice to give love is even more important in determining happiness than getting it. He says, “These people talked to me about the importance of choosing love and kindness as your way in the world. They taught me that when we choose to be a loving person we find a deep sense of meaning in life.” Ask yourself, Are you choosing to love or fear it?
4. Live the Moment
“One of the most common things people told me was how fast life goes by and how important it is to enjoy each moment,” says Izzo.
Among the secrets Izzo learned from the people he interviewed was how they placed great importance to live in the present. Living in the present means to fully enjoy whatever experience you are having (and not to wish you were somewhere else), and to live with gratitude focusing on what you are grateful for rather than what you don’t have.
Izzo explains, “They told me that we have no power over the past and little power over the future. Many of them said that whenever you find yourself saying ‘I will be happy when… or I will be happy if…,’ that it is important to remember that happiness is a choice we make inside.”
He adds, “One woman told me: ‘You have to stop judging your life and start living your life. Stop keeping score trying to decide if you are winning. Instead, live each day fully and stay in the moment.’” So ask yourself, Are you living with gratitude right now, focusing on enjoying your life rather than judging it?
5. Give More Than You Take
Izzo shares, “When I asked people what gave their lives the greatest meaning, people told me again and again that being of service and knowing that they made things better because they were there for others was by far the greatest source of meaning.”
Izzo says that it is what you give, not what you take that gives life meaning. He says, “Many of them also reminded me that we have little control over what we get from the world every day (whether people will love us, whether we will win the lottery, etc.) but we have complete control over what we give to the world – whether we choose to be kind, charitable, and to give to others. These people reminded me that everything we take from the world dies with us, but everything we give to the world gets recycled.”
“All the spiritual traditions remind us that true happiness comes from focusing on being of service and in the process joy finds us,” he concludes. Ask yourself, Are you focused on giving or getting each day?
Put the secrets in practice
Izzo says, “It is not enough to know the secrets, we must live them. Someone once told me ‘If you want to live a happy life; ask someone who has lived one.’ This past year I had the privilege to sit at the feet of 235 of the wisest people I have ever met and I was amazed how clear they were on what mattered, what didn’t matter, and how each of us can create a life of meaning and happiness.”
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Stress, like happiness, is a component of our inner world
from NewsOK.com
Monday's newspaper had a great article on dealing with stress. Are you dealing with stress in your life? Well, I have some good news and bad news for you. The good news is that stress doesn't exist; at least it's not part of our outer world. Although the outer world can be full of dangers such as traffic accidents, snakebites, tornadoes, etc., stress isn't part of our outer world. The bad news is that stress can and does reside in our inner world. Although you can't touch it, see it, smell it or hear it, it's a silent, invisible enemy that sneaks up on us if we allow it.
If you were born as recently as 150 years ago, you would live and die in pretty much the same outer world. Oh, you might have seen a "new and improved” whale oil for your lamps, or perhaps your buggy whip would be made of better leather. But all in all, your outer world would have seen little change. Compare that life to the outer world we live in today. The iPod you're so proud of will be a dinosaur in just a few years. Buy a new computer, and it's obsolete before you know it. All the new technologies that are meant to make life easier for us have caused stress to creep into our lives; not from the outside, from the inside.
You can't watch TV without seeing a commercial (or worse, an infomercial) about some amazing new gadget that will make your life complete. All your friends and neighbors have it, and you know your life finally will be perfect once you have it, too. Out comes the credit card; up goes your mounting debt; in comes the product. But your life doesn't get any better.
Sound familiar? It's like the story of the guy who drove to a car dealership, walked up to a salesperson and asked, "Aren't you the one who sold me that car a few months ago?” The salesperson said, "Why, yes, I am. Why do you ask?” The man responded, "Would you mind telling me how wonderful the car is again; I'm getting kind of depressed.”
As an avid golfer, I see firsthand all the "new and improved” balls, clubs, you-name-it things that will help you become the golfer of your dreams. Hogwash! I can promise you two things: First, you cannot "buy” a golf game. Second, there will always be "new and improved” equipment to buy. My friend is a fine player, and his equipment is 25 years old. Get the picture?
Now, I'm not condemning new products and advancing technology. What I'm saying is that you need to build a personal buffer that asks, "Do I really need this?” Trust me! Your life will be "new and improved” as soon as you realize that happiness is an inside job. William Butler Yeats said, "Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure, not this thing nor that but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing.”
You can do this! Do not give stress permission to come into your life. You already have more "things” than 99 percent of the people who have ever lived. Now, go out there and make it a great day! Carpe diem.
Monday's newspaper had a great article on dealing with stress. Are you dealing with stress in your life? Well, I have some good news and bad news for you. The good news is that stress doesn't exist; at least it's not part of our outer world. Although the outer world can be full of dangers such as traffic accidents, snakebites, tornadoes, etc., stress isn't part of our outer world. The bad news is that stress can and does reside in our inner world. Although you can't touch it, see it, smell it or hear it, it's a silent, invisible enemy that sneaks up on us if we allow it.
If you were born as recently as 150 years ago, you would live and die in pretty much the same outer world. Oh, you might have seen a "new and improved” whale oil for your lamps, or perhaps your buggy whip would be made of better leather. But all in all, your outer world would have seen little change. Compare that life to the outer world we live in today. The iPod you're so proud of will be a dinosaur in just a few years. Buy a new computer, and it's obsolete before you know it. All the new technologies that are meant to make life easier for us have caused stress to creep into our lives; not from the outside, from the inside.
You can't watch TV without seeing a commercial (or worse, an infomercial) about some amazing new gadget that will make your life complete. All your friends and neighbors have it, and you know your life finally will be perfect once you have it, too. Out comes the credit card; up goes your mounting debt; in comes the product. But your life doesn't get any better.
Sound familiar? It's like the story of the guy who drove to a car dealership, walked up to a salesperson and asked, "Aren't you the one who sold me that car a few months ago?” The salesperson said, "Why, yes, I am. Why do you ask?” The man responded, "Would you mind telling me how wonderful the car is again; I'm getting kind of depressed.”
As an avid golfer, I see firsthand all the "new and improved” balls, clubs, you-name-it things that will help you become the golfer of your dreams. Hogwash! I can promise you two things: First, you cannot "buy” a golf game. Second, there will always be "new and improved” equipment to buy. My friend is a fine player, and his equipment is 25 years old. Get the picture?
Now, I'm not condemning new products and advancing technology. What I'm saying is that you need to build a personal buffer that asks, "Do I really need this?” Trust me! Your life will be "new and improved” as soon as you realize that happiness is an inside job. William Butler Yeats said, "Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure, not this thing nor that but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing.”
You can do this! Do not give stress permission to come into your life. You already have more "things” than 99 percent of the people who have ever lived. Now, go out there and make it a great day! Carpe diem.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Reasons for opulence and happiness and causes for ruin
from
By Gamini Jayasinghe
More than two thousand five hundred years ago, Buddha enunciated four causes that lead to weal and happiness in this world and four other causes for the spiritual progress, conducive to the good and happiness of a noble son in the other world. The Exalted One also enunciated twelve causes for some one to face a ruinous state.
On one occasion, the Blessed One was dwelling amongst the Kolians, His maternal relatives in the town named Kakkarapatta. A Kolian son named Dighajanu approached Him and requested Him to preach the Doctrine or things that lead to weal and happiness in this world and things conducive to the good and happiness in the other world.
The literary meaning of Dighajanu is ‘long knee.’ Dighajanu’s family name was Vyaggapajja, so called because his ancestors were born on a forest path infested with tigers.
The four causes the Enlightened One enunciated for the good and happiness in this very life are Uttanasampada–the achievement through persistent effort, Arakkhanasampada–the achievement of wariness, Kalyanamittata – good friendship and Samajivikata–balanced livelihood.
The Enlightened One told Vyaggapajja that whatever the occupation of a clansman, whether a cultivator, herdsman, trader, soldier, a public servant or an artisan of any sort, he is able to manage his job if he becomes skillful and not become lazy. If he is skillful, he will be endowed with reasoning as to ways and means thereof. “This is called the achievement of persistent effort,” the Buddha said, explaining the meaning of Arakkhasampada. The Enlightened One told Vyaggapajja that if a person who is in possession of resources earned by right means, by dint of effort, by strength of arms and by the sweat of his brow and if the resources are managed economically and well protected, the king would not seize them, thieves would not steel them, fire would not burn them, water will not destroy them and ill disposed heirs will not carry away them. “That is the achievement of wariness,” Buddha told Vyaggapajja and explained the third cause “Kalyanamittata” good friendship.
The Enlightened One told Vyaggapajja that if a clansman has house holders and house holders’ sons young or old but highly cultured, full of faith, (Saddha), full or virtue (Sila) full of charity (Caga) and full of wisdom (Panna) to move about and work together and to engage in discussions, that is his achievement of ‘Kalyanamitta’–good friendship whether he lives in a village or a town. The Blessed One told Vyaggapajja that the fourth requirement for a clansman to be conducive to the good and happiness is ‘Samajivikata’–balanced livelihood. “There should be a balance between income and expenditure.” Buddha told Vyggapajja.
One should not spend everything one earns like a man who shakes the tree to eat wood apple. When he shakes the tree all the fruits fall. He eats some of them but most of the fruits get wasted. Income should not be in excess of expenditure. There should be some savings. This does not mean that one should be a miser, but one should lead a steady life being neither too extravagant nor too sordid. Abstinence from debauchery or behaving in an immoral manner, abstinence from drunkenness, non-indulgence in gambling and friendship, companionship and intimacy with the good are the four sources of development.
Thathagtaha also explained four things that are conducive to the good and happiness of a noble person in the next world. They are Saddha Sampadha – achievement of faith, Sila Sampada – achievement of virtue, Caga Sampada – achievement of charity and Panna Sampada – achievement of wisdom. Saddha Sampada is the faith in the Enlightenment of the Thathagatha, the Blessed One.
Sila Sampada or the achievement of virtue is the abstinence from killing, stealing, lewdness, lying and indulge in intoxicants that cause infatuation and heedlessness.
Caga Sampada, the achievement of charity is to be with heart free from the stain of avarice, devoted to charity, open handed and delighting in generosity. “If a clansman is wise, is endowed with wisdom that leads to one’s development and with noble penetrative insight that leads to the complete destruction of suffering, that is called the achievement of wisdom,” Buddha told Vyagapajja.
By Gamini Jayasinghe
More than two thousand five hundred years ago, Buddha enunciated four causes that lead to weal and happiness in this world and four other causes for the spiritual progress, conducive to the good and happiness of a noble son in the other world. The Exalted One also enunciated twelve causes for some one to face a ruinous state.
On one occasion, the Blessed One was dwelling amongst the Kolians, His maternal relatives in the town named Kakkarapatta. A Kolian son named Dighajanu approached Him and requested Him to preach the Doctrine or things that lead to weal and happiness in this world and things conducive to the good and happiness in the other world.
The literary meaning of Dighajanu is ‘long knee.’ Dighajanu’s family name was Vyaggapajja, so called because his ancestors were born on a forest path infested with tigers.
The four causes the Enlightened One enunciated for the good and happiness in this very life are Uttanasampada–the achievement through persistent effort, Arakkhanasampada–the achievement of wariness, Kalyanamittata – good friendship and Samajivikata–balanced livelihood.
The Enlightened One told Vyaggapajja that whatever the occupation of a clansman, whether a cultivator, herdsman, trader, soldier, a public servant or an artisan of any sort, he is able to manage his job if he becomes skillful and not become lazy. If he is skillful, he will be endowed with reasoning as to ways and means thereof. “This is called the achievement of persistent effort,” the Buddha said, explaining the meaning of Arakkhasampada. The Enlightened One told Vyaggapajja that if a person who is in possession of resources earned by right means, by dint of effort, by strength of arms and by the sweat of his brow and if the resources are managed economically and well protected, the king would not seize them, thieves would not steel them, fire would not burn them, water will not destroy them and ill disposed heirs will not carry away them. “That is the achievement of wariness,” Buddha told Vyaggapajja and explained the third cause “Kalyanamittata” good friendship.
The Enlightened One told Vyaggapajja that if a clansman has house holders and house holders’ sons young or old but highly cultured, full of faith, (Saddha), full or virtue (Sila) full of charity (Caga) and full of wisdom (Panna) to move about and work together and to engage in discussions, that is his achievement of ‘Kalyanamitta’–good friendship whether he lives in a village or a town. The Blessed One told Vyaggapajja that the fourth requirement for a clansman to be conducive to the good and happiness is ‘Samajivikata’–balanced livelihood. “There should be a balance between income and expenditure.” Buddha told Vyggapajja.
One should not spend everything one earns like a man who shakes the tree to eat wood apple. When he shakes the tree all the fruits fall. He eats some of them but most of the fruits get wasted. Income should not be in excess of expenditure. There should be some savings. This does not mean that one should be a miser, but one should lead a steady life being neither too extravagant nor too sordid. Abstinence from debauchery or behaving in an immoral manner, abstinence from drunkenness, non-indulgence in gambling and friendship, companionship and intimacy with the good are the four sources of development.
Thathagtaha also explained four things that are conducive to the good and happiness of a noble person in the next world. They are Saddha Sampadha – achievement of faith, Sila Sampada – achievement of virtue, Caga Sampada – achievement of charity and Panna Sampada – achievement of wisdom. Saddha Sampada is the faith in the Enlightenment of the Thathagatha, the Blessed One.
Sila Sampada or the achievement of virtue is the abstinence from killing, stealing, lewdness, lying and indulge in intoxicants that cause infatuation and heedlessness.
Caga Sampada, the achievement of charity is to be with heart free from the stain of avarice, devoted to charity, open handed and delighting in generosity. “If a clansman is wise, is endowed with wisdom that leads to one’s development and with noble penetrative insight that leads to the complete destruction of suffering, that is called the achievement of wisdom,” Buddha told Vyagapajja.
Sex, love and the push-up bra
from Ask Sam
You may have caught that little news factoid recently that stipulated sex might just be a cure for the female blues. Which is good news really (especially for the gents trying to cheer up their surly ladies) considering a whopping estimated 800,000 Aussies suffer from depression each year. So what better antidote could there be for the blues (other than chocolate) than getting frisky between the sheets?
"Having sex helps them feel that closeness and security," surmises Dr Sabura Allen, clinical psychologist and the lead researcher in the Monash University study.
The findings revealed that women associate sex with love (much to the horror of male booty-call buddies!).
The study also discovered that, surprisingly, single women have less sex than single men, which makes you wonder who all these men are getting it on with in the first place ...
Two blokes, David Blanchflower, a Dartmouth College economist, and Andrew Oswald of the University of Warwick in England, undertook a similar survey. They polled 16,000 people and found that sex is so important to happiness, we should be increasing it's frequency from once a month to once a week, (hear that folks?). Adding fuel to the more-sex debate is the fact that the happiness generated from the increased hanky-panky is equivalent to being told you're getting a $50,000 raise on your income!
Economists have also calculated that a lasting marriage equates to the happiness generated by getting an extra $100,000 each year. (Divorce depletes happiness levels equivalent to losing $66,000 annually.)
Then there's the recent story I read in The Economist magazine, which cited a study carried out by the World Database of Happiness in Rotterdam (it collects information about what makes people happy and why), which revealed this: "Married, extroverted optimists are happier than single, pessimistic introverts". Ouch!
Despite its reliability, all these studies sort of threw me off a little. Because it got me wondering: what happened to us being Proud Singletons? Aren't quirky alones supposedly the happy ones? Aren't we a generation of independent women who don't actually need a man?
Not according to science. Yep, apparently we've all been duped. "We do need men more now than ever", says my smug-married friend, J. By J's reckoning, the ultimate antidote for a mutual friend of ours who is constantly complaining she's depressed, is simply this: "Find her a bloke!"
Yet considering our mutual friend is smart, gorgeous, articulate, and doesn't have a smoking habit or penchant for bad boys, I had to wonder why she was finding it so difficult to nab a man.
"Maybe it's because she smells of desperation," J proffered. "She thinks she won't be happy until she has a man and the guys know it. They can see it from a mile away."
Hence J's pushy ways and myriad blind dates aren't helping her case either.
But if love, sex and companionship are really the answers to our ultimate happiness, then I'm a little worried about our generation's future ...
Strange happiness stats:
* 47% of men would give up sex for six months for a 50-inch plasma (Comet Poll, UK)
* 40% of women prefer shoes over sex (Daily Mail)
* 52% of women prefer chocolate over sex (Cadbury)
* 100% of men prefer sex over shoes (Ask Sam Blog)
Q: What is happiness to you? When are you most happy?
STOP PRESS!
If you had to name the best invention ever, you would probably surmise it had something to do with your new Blackberry (email and SMS!), Facebook (friends and prospective dates!) or caramel cappuccinos with extra froth. But recent research has proven otherwise. According to a survey conducted by the British store Debenhams, the ultimate fashion invention ever is in fact the push-up bra. That's right folks. The magic tool that gives us more cleavage (without plastic surgery) rates above g-strings, flip-flops and sneakers as the invention of the century. No doubt they bring about happiness to both sexes alike ...
You may have caught that little news factoid recently that stipulated sex might just be a cure for the female blues. Which is good news really (especially for the gents trying to cheer up their surly ladies) considering a whopping estimated 800,000 Aussies suffer from depression each year. So what better antidote could there be for the blues (other than chocolate) than getting frisky between the sheets?
"Having sex helps them feel that closeness and security," surmises Dr Sabura Allen, clinical psychologist and the lead researcher in the Monash University study.
The findings revealed that women associate sex with love (much to the horror of male booty-call buddies!).
The study also discovered that, surprisingly, single women have less sex than single men, which makes you wonder who all these men are getting it on with in the first place ...
Two blokes, David Blanchflower, a Dartmouth College economist, and Andrew Oswald of the University of Warwick in England, undertook a similar survey. They polled 16,000 people and found that sex is so important to happiness, we should be increasing it's frequency from once a month to once a week, (hear that folks?). Adding fuel to the more-sex debate is the fact that the happiness generated from the increased hanky-panky is equivalent to being told you're getting a $50,000 raise on your income!
Economists have also calculated that a lasting marriage equates to the happiness generated by getting an extra $100,000 each year. (Divorce depletes happiness levels equivalent to losing $66,000 annually.)
Then there's the recent story I read in The Economist magazine, which cited a study carried out by the World Database of Happiness in Rotterdam (it collects information about what makes people happy and why), which revealed this: "Married, extroverted optimists are happier than single, pessimistic introverts". Ouch!
Despite its reliability, all these studies sort of threw me off a little. Because it got me wondering: what happened to us being Proud Singletons? Aren't quirky alones supposedly the happy ones? Aren't we a generation of independent women who don't actually need a man?
Not according to science. Yep, apparently we've all been duped. "We do need men more now than ever", says my smug-married friend, J. By J's reckoning, the ultimate antidote for a mutual friend of ours who is constantly complaining she's depressed, is simply this: "Find her a bloke!"
Yet considering our mutual friend is smart, gorgeous, articulate, and doesn't have a smoking habit or penchant for bad boys, I had to wonder why she was finding it so difficult to nab a man.
"Maybe it's because she smells of desperation," J proffered. "She thinks she won't be happy until she has a man and the guys know it. They can see it from a mile away."
Hence J's pushy ways and myriad blind dates aren't helping her case either.
But if love, sex and companionship are really the answers to our ultimate happiness, then I'm a little worried about our generation's future ...
Strange happiness stats:
* 47% of men would give up sex for six months for a 50-inch plasma (Comet Poll, UK)
* 40% of women prefer shoes over sex (Daily Mail)
* 52% of women prefer chocolate over sex (Cadbury)
* 100% of men prefer sex over shoes (Ask Sam Blog)
Q: What is happiness to you? When are you most happy?
STOP PRESS!
If you had to name the best invention ever, you would probably surmise it had something to do with your new Blackberry (email and SMS!), Facebook (friends and prospective dates!) or caramel cappuccinos with extra froth. But recent research has proven otherwise. According to a survey conducted by the British store Debenhams, the ultimate fashion invention ever is in fact the push-up bra. That's right folks. The magic tool that gives us more cleavage (without plastic surgery) rates above g-strings, flip-flops and sneakers as the invention of the century. No doubt they bring about happiness to both sexes alike ...
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